[I touched on this issue in a previous post, “My Prayer Problem”. I now feel like I am moving to clarification, if not resolution. Please bear with me. As St. Sancho Panza observed, “We are all as God made us, and some of us much worse.”]
Even as my faith in God remains as strong as it has ever been (and such as it is), I realize that my faith in prayer to God is another matter.
I know that many prayers do not seem to be answered (or at least the answer is all too often “NO”.) When this happens, we fall back upon the secure truth that God knows our needs (and the needs of others) much better than we do.
And I believe that God is the God of Love, that He wills what is best for us. I have faith in God’s love, even where that seems least likely. God knows His business better than I do. (Understatement of the year.)
And He knows our needs and wants before we bring them to Him in prayer.
So why do I pray?
You might as well ask why I breathe. If I stop breathing, I die. (That line is a slightly adapted borrowing from Victor Lazlo in the movie Casablanca.) Prayer is a natural human response to any problem or need that we feel powerless to satisfy.
Everybody prays. From the coldest atheist on up to the most self-satisfied narcissist (whatever that distance may be), everybody prays. After all, what does it mean when we say “I hope…that this medicine works for her,” or “I wish that my lottery number would come up.” Even the mildest “Knock on wood” is a kind of defensive prayer. These are prayers unrecognized as such, but nonetheless prayers. Even the subjunctive mood is often used to express such prayers without an address: “May you live long and prosper,” or “May this house be safe from tigers” (google “author Alexander King”.)
But this type of prayer is not addressed to anyone; it is simply tossed out into the universe like a note “To Whom It May Concern…”, stuck in a bottle and dropped into the sea.
But we, those of us blessed with faith in a living and loving God, know who to address and even how to pray properly. That is a large part of what I get from the Church.
But I am also aware of conflicting guidance about the prayer process. On one hand, Jesus tells us that our prayers, even extreme ones like uprooting trees or mountains, will be answered IF our faith is strong enough. In His model of prayer, He tells us to pray “Thy will be done” just before “Give us this day our daily bread.” Beg and qualify. Most clearly, when He prays in the Garden of Gethsemane, He asks for release from His destiny on the cross. But in His next breath He qualifies it, with “but nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” Beg and qualify. Ask and prepare to not receive.
In a sense, this dual-track Gethsemane prayer model may reflect the dual nature of Jesus himself. His first prayer, “remove this cup from me,” is the voice of his human nature. His second prayer, “but nevertheless, not my will but thine,” is the voice of his divine nature, expressing his total submission to his divine father.
Then I noticed something I had missed. Jesus praying for release from his approaching Passion is praying for Himself. His willingness to submit to rejection of His prayer is an act of supreme courage, and an act that I must try to emulate. If it’s about me, I must at least try.
But when I pray for my suffering loved ones, it is another matter. I cannot bring myself to such brave submission. I can only pray “Lord, HEAL HIM!” (Or “HEAL HER!”, as the case may be). If I try to phrase it otherwise, my prayer is dishonest.
So here I am: trying to submit faithfully to God’s will in matters affecting myself, while totally unable to do so when it is a loved one who is suffering; I cannot even try. To me, the two cases are so very different.
I know my limitations in this area. It is a weakness in my Faith. But is it sin?
